Truth Byte #45
“Pushing yourself makes things harder.”
This month, my parents visited. They live in a different city, so having them in town is a huge treat. Whenever they arrive, there is laughter and joking and a whole lot of crazy-indulgent gifts for the kids. Nani and Grampa come for a week or two, and I get to relax. All those big plans of what I would do when I had unlimited babysitting hours get pushed aside as I catch up on my fair quota of sleep, meals prepared by someone else, and long, late night conversations. They remind me that it’s okay to just be, without a screen, or a book, or a task to complete.
And without any guilt.
I remember when I was a kid, and my mom and stepdad were just as busy as I am now. They flitted and fluttered around at their jobs and our activities and their full social and religious calendars. I remember my mom dropping onto the couch exhausted after dinner every night, and falling asleep before our family sitcom had reached the first commercial. I remember my stepdad filling our weekends and school-breaks with adventures to the mountains, and watched him as he brought his files along to squeeze in a little bit of work where he could.
Every year, my grandma would visit us. We called her Nanimaa. She would mostly just sit on her favourite spot on the couch, and hum sweetly under her breath while she clinked her prayer beads. And every single weekday at four o’clock, my non-English-speaking grandma would ask us to turn on the TV for her so she could watch The Young and the Restless. Nanimaa moved slowly, and smiled deeply. Her hand-skin was wrinkled like a soft, paper-thin elephant and she told the most intricate yet humorous stories about her childhood.
Nanimaa showed me, as my parents are showing my kids now, that life doesn’t have to be so busy and serious all the time, and that home could be a place to just be. She did not push herself, and she did not force herself or us in any way, at any time.
My parents, now grandparents, are living that life now. Even though my step-dad still runs his accounting practice, his approach to work is so much more relaxed. He doesn’t take on the high-demand clients anymore. He has learned to take regular holidays, and doesn’t bring work to the dinner table or on vacation. My mom has relaxed too. She has gone back to school in a completely different field for the pure love of learning, and is acing her classes alongside people younger than her children.
I always looked forward to old(er) age, because I thought that was when I would finally get to retire. Or at least relax. But in the last few months, I have had an epiphany. I don’t have to wait another thirty or forty years to stop pushing myself!
I could just stop pushing now.
At first, that created panic in me. I thought if I stopped pushing, my business would fall apart, my house would be in chaos, and my family would be eating microwave popcorn for dinner every night.
What I have found to be true is actually the exact opposite.
When I stopped pushing, I stared allowing. Opportunities that I would never have noticed started to drop into my lap. Things that seemed hard either fell away or suddenly became manageable because I was brave enough to ask for help without thinking it meant I had failed in some way. I was happier and more connected, and so my friendships deepened and grew. People I would have walked by before, now became fascinating co-collaborators and mentors. And like my grandma, there was one daily thing I became totally serious about and dedicated to. For her it was her soap opera (and through it, learning English), and for me, it’s dancing (and through it, releasing those endorphins I need to maintain positive mental health).
I have learned, in a very short time, the power of relaxing. I have learned the importance of my home as a sanctuary. I have learned that pushing creates illness and tension and rifts between people.
And I wanted to tell you that so you could test it out for yourself.
This week, I challenge you to stop pushing. I challenge you to allow Life’s river to pull you along to the next restful moment instead of always pushing against the current. If something is hard, maybe it can wait till later, until you have the energy and enthusiasm to do it, or until help arrives. You may be really surprised how it really can all work itself out when you stop trying to control it all.
Watch our YouTube Show, Today is Your Day to start crafting the life you have always wanted, free from the heaviness of pushing too hard, and let me know if you live in the Vancouver are want to join our Get Happy Club!