The Past is Holding You Prisoner

Truth Byte #20: “It’s time to let it go.”

You have been holding on to something.  Something that still brings you pain or sadness after all these years.  And I am not talking about the ultimate loss of someone you loved dying, because really, there is not much you can do about that, and we know that even time won’t fully repair that fracture.  What I am talking about is your grudges and heartbreaks from the past.

I am surrounded by really loving, caring, nurturing people who are still holding grudges and nursing heartbreaks.  And that holding on for way too long is literally destroying them from the inside out.  Their bodies are bent and twisted and just don’t seem to want to heal.  It’s like the poison from their pasts demonstrates it’s potency every single day through their physical pain.

Many of these loved ones of mine are older, around retirement age.  So they have a lifetime of things to be mad about.  In a way, I can see where they are coming from.  It’s justified.  Some pretty shitty things actually did happen.  The irony is that many of the people who did those shitty things have been buried decades ago.  Yet these men and women still tell the old stories as crystal clearly as if they happened last week.

This week, I reach out to my elders.  I am tired of seeing you twisted in physical and emotional and spiritual knots over things that happened decades ago.

It’s time to let it go.

I also reach out to my peers in parenting.  I see how you raise your children with stories of your own childhood.  You might not notice, but your lives are peppered with passive-aggressive rage about how you don’t feel like you actually chose this particular hamster wheel, and you aren’t sure how to get off.

And you don’t even know you are doing it.

But your kids know. 

They know when you snap for no reason after a long gruelling day at work.  They know when you would rather look at a screen then answer their questions.  They know when you brush them off and brush them aside and don’t make space for their delight in your pessimism.  And soon, they too, will switch off and plug in to numbness, and start gathering stories of their own.

Take heed, parents, because it’s never too late to give your kids attention and care.  It’s never too late to let go and get back to what really matters.  Today could be the day.

And all my single ladies, I will end with you.  Whether you are single and loving it or single and hating it, please commit to not getting stuck in the heartbreaks.  Because that just makes you really hard to love.  When you get so independent that you can’t receive love or help, you get caught in that vicious circle of loneliness.  I know because I have been there.  No one thinks you are lonely so no one reaches out.  Or people are so drained by your complaining that they avoid you.  If you can commit to being in the moment and giving love and friendship a real chance, no matter how many screw ups you have had in the past, you might be ready for the miracle of long lasting (romantic?) companionship, if indeed, that’s what you want.

Or you could keep being mad and hurt.  The choice is yours.  Do you want to break free from the prison of heartbreak and love your life?  I know you do.  You just have to let go of your grudges.

Don’t you think it’s time?

If you want to learn how to give up your grudges and heartbreaks once and for all, pencil in our upcoming one-day experiential workshop on Guilt and Regret in Calgary, Alberta.

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