No Shortcuts Here

Truth Byte #70:

“Hard work before glory work.”





A couple years ago, I taught my son to do the laundry. I am an equal opportunity employer, and I think all my children (aka mini-helpers) should be able to eventually manage a household. His favourite part of doing the laundry has always been pouring in the liquid detergent and fabric softener. He calls the detergent the “yolk”. Another feature of our washing machine is that the buttons all have different tones, so when you are punching in the settings, it sounds like a little song. So of course, he also loves pushing the buttons.

For the past few years, whenever I was doing laundry, he asked to “put in the yolk and press the buttons”. Sometimes I let him, because I’m a mom and it’s a reasonable, doable, non-life-threatening request that teaches him something.

But sometimes I didn’t.

Sometimes I didn’t because secretly, I love pushing the buttons

On those times when I was really wanting to push the buttons, I would say to him, “If you want to do the glory work, you have to do the hard work.” And that’s how he got interested in learning to load the washing machine on his own. Hard work first, glory work next. There is no point pouring yolk and pushing the buttons if there are no dirty clothes to wash.

Ok, so what does this have to do with counselling?

You have to do the hard work to get to do the glory work.

People seek out therapy when they have tried everything else they can think of and nothing has really worked. Most people (except counsellors) come to counselling as a last ditch effort to make sense of their problems and get through them. They know how they want to feel. They can imagine what it will feel like to pour that yolk and can almost hear the delightful sounds of the buttons. What they forget is that the hard work comes first and they will have to face that incredibly smelly pile of dirty laundry before anything else.

We can’t bypass the hard part and reach happily ever after. It simply doesn’t work that way.

I had a friend reach out to me a while ago about her relationship with her husband, and how she was so tired of saying the same old thing year after year. She felt she wasn’t being heard, and she had come to the end of the line: she wanted to separate. We talked a little bit about what that would be like for her, and then I shared a little bit of what I have been learning lately about the male brain.  

  • Did you know that women can read facial expressions and tones of voice that don’t even register in the brains of men?
  • Did you know men, from before birth, are wired to learn with their eyes and bodies more than their ears?
  • Did you know that women can hear and distinguish two sounds simultaneously while men concentrate on one sound and everything else becomes white noise?
  • Did you know men bond with each other by doing activities together women bond with each other by talking?

A lot of this is basic brain-wiring! Of course, there are always exceptions and outliers, so not everyone will fit into these simplified differences, but, in general men’s brains tend to be more like other male brains than like female brains.

The first thing is to do the hard work of realizing you can’t change anyone else’s brain, especially when they pretty much came like that. Only they can change their brain. You can change your own.

The next part of the hard work is being willing to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, to try to see a situation from another perspective.  Maybe he is just tired and needs to numb out with tv. Maybe she’s spent the day speaking to no one but the children, and wants to have a grown-up conversation so her brain doesn’t turn to mush. 

Maybe you both need different things in the exact same moment.

Seeing it from the other person’s perspective helps us to stop taking things personally, and have more compassion and understanding for the ones we love.

The last part is changing your actions and thoughts. This actually impacts your brain! There are certain beliefs you have been carrying around for years that you may not be aware of. When you challenge that default brain setting, you actually create new pathways in the brain.  Therapy helps a lot at this point (and even earlier!)  because you are working with a professional who has loading dirty clothes down to a science.

Once my friend and I chatted about all these things, a light switch went on. She is now doing the hard work of trying to understand where he is coming from and acknowledging all the demonstrations of love he shows regularly. She is starting to decode his love language, and trying to understand things through his eyes. I think they have a while to go before the yolk and buttons, but the key is to stick with the hard work. It takes time and persistence, but eventually, the glory work will follow.

So what is the glory work? The glory work is where you start to realize that everything you see around you can be interpreted in several different ways. The glory work happens when you see that your way isn’t always the right way, and you begin to genuinely learn from others and from Life. The glory work is where you begin to relax and enjoy your life and relationships rather than always feeling like you have to fix or manage something.  And the glory work is absolutely within your reach, if you are willing to do the hard work first.

Last year, my 5-year old daughter asked my 8-year old son if she could put in the yolk and press the buttons. He looked at her, looked at me, looked back at her and said, “You have to do the hard work if you want to do the glory work. But I can help you do the hard work.”

If you need help with the hard work, email me at connect@talktosaira.com for your free 20-minute telephone consultation or to sign up for my mailing list.

On Marriage

Truth Byte #69: It’s the little things that hold us together.

As Spring arrives, so does wedding season. So many people get so excited for their big day, spend lavishly, dress scrumptiously, and gather together friends and family to witness this lifelong commitment.

But what happens after the dust has settled and the humdrum of regular life kicks in?

This year is my lucky 13 in marriage, and while I still consider myself quite the infant when it comes to married life, there are some things that I have picked up in this last decade that may be useful if you are newly married or struggling with a marriage that doesn’t feel like what you signed up for.

WARNING: I know that some readers may be annoyed by this post because marriage actually didn’t work out so well for them, and I understand that perspective. But even those who have been through horrible endings, once they have had a chance to allow the wounds to heal, will likely seek out a long-term companion. Whether married, common-law, live-in, deeply committed, or some other label, I know about some things that are actually working for people in monogamous relationships. So if that’s you, it still may be worth the read.

What does it take to remain content and connected as a married couple?

When I scroll through my social media feeds, I see married couples on fancy holidays and picnics in the park. I see birthday bashes, sporting events, daddy-daughter dates, and girls’ night out.

But what I don’t see is what actually sustains us in marriage.

What we don’t see is the daily connection, the interrupted conversations, that sweet touch on the small of the back, that look of adoration. What we don’t see is the tightening of lips and shoulders when someone puts down the one you love in front of you. What we don’t see is the teasing hug good night before bed because she wants to stay up and watch mindless tv, and that’s okay with you. What we don’t see is him making your mom feel better when she uses the wrong pronoun.

These little moments are what keeps a marriage afloat during stormy waters.

No one ever told me about the power of these little things when I was a newly-wed. We committed our lives to each other after living on our own terms for a decade.

Suddenly, our lives were expected to blend together seamlessly.

There were times I felt so lonely and confused, even though my partner was lying right next to me in bed. I guess I thought marriage was going to be like a series of dates, each one more thoughtful and surprising than the next because as time went on, he would get to know me better, right? And for the first couple of years, it was.

We played house, had a baby, figured out how to include each other in our families of birth, and paid all our bills on time.

But as time marched on, our calendars got busy, we had another baby and suddenly date night was not easy to pencil in. As my partner loves to say, we became two ships, passing in the night. We decided to attend a 9-month training program to learn about the dynamics of intimate relationships, and finally we started to see how the ebbs and flows we were experiencing were part of the maturation of our bond. We learned about the stages and phases of love, and how authenticity and commitment would always bring us back to each other.

We learned that our marriage was something we had to mould and tend to, otherwise, in a very short time, and without warning, it would wither away.

We watched as that withering happened to some dear friends around us. We watched as they let each other go in search of greener pastures, while their children, parents, friends, and extended family tried to figure out how to reconcile this new normal.

We wondered if it was just a matter of time before we were that couple that drifted away from each other. Neither of us can look at our own parents and say, “Now there’s a happy couple”, so we had no role-models to look up to.

So we studied relationships, grew together while remaining strong in ourselves, and we looked for mentors, people who had the kind of marriage we wanted to someday have.

And we found them!

This older couple that we know just go together like peanut butter and jelly, like milk and cookies, like saag and roti. They get each other. Each of them makes the other seem shinier. They are also not afraid to ask for what they need and disagree (honestly and respectfully) on a regular basis. They have surrounded themselves with other people who believe in marriage and are willing to fight through the storms holding hands. They are the two rocking on the porch at the end of a life well-lived who the neighborhood kids call Grandma and Grandpa.

The two essential ingredients they have cultivated are: mutual respect and a deep, abiding friendship.

So that’s what we hold on to now: mutual respect and deep friendship. When things get heated I ask myself if I would say what’s about to come out of my mouth to a friend. He asks himself if the respect he feels for me is strong enough to stand up for me when it counts. We keep coming back to each other, no matter how far away our ships sail in the night.

We invest in the little things.

Sometimes we go to bed angry, because that works for him. He always wakes up feeling better. Sometimes we hash it out, because that works for me. I can sleep soundly then. So yes, there is give and take, and unfortunately, I don’t really get to be a brat and get my way all the time (though I SOOOOOO want to sometimes!). I have to show up as an adult and treat him like one too. No matter what the conflict, the marriage comes first, always. Before the kids, before our jobs, before our extended family obligations, before finances, our marriage is first.

So those are my thoughts on marriage, and how it’s actually the little things that keep us together. I am someone who loves to learn about myself and the people around me, and if you are too, here are some books that have helped us along the way:

If It Hurts, It Isn’t Love by Chuck Spezzano
Mars and Venus in the Bedroom by John Gray
The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine
I Wish He Had Come With Instructions by Mike Bechtle
How Can I Be Your Lover When I am Too Busy Being Your Mother? by Sarah Dimerman & J.M. Kearns

Listen to our podcast and join my husband and I as we journey through marriage and parenting, and adulting in general, and let us know if there is a topic you want to hear us talk about.

Ten Years and Counting

Truth Byte #67

Your love matters.”

 

Yesterday was a busy day. I had five clients, two conference calls, one free consultation, and a job interview. Plus, I made three breakfasts, three lunches, and four dinners, made sure kids were brushed and washed and happy and looked after. I even squeezed in two calls to my sister and a text to my mom. And let’s be honest, I checked social media a few times and read a chapter in my book and watched some tv.

 

A busy day.

 

In the middle of it, I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize. I eventually the reached the person, who was looking for a counsellor. After a few minutes, it became clear to me that she was looking for free counselling services, which I am not offering anymore. It was hard to be on that call, because I knew she was not going to get what she wanted from me, and yet she was keeping me on the phone….right in the middle of my very busy day. Read More

My Two Grad Dates (and Other Secrets)

Truth Byte #59:

Somebody adores you, even when you can’t.”

I am on a personal retreat this week. And while I ponder the big and small choices I have made over the year since my last retreat, a lot of good “ahas” are coming up. Last year, just after coming home from my retreat, I wrote Truth Byte #14, That’s Not Really a Tiger, about how to be gentler with ourselves. Today, I want to tell you something else.  Today I want to tell you that somebody adores you, even when you don’t have the capacity to adore yourself.

Let me tell you a story. I was in twelfth grade, and it was the evening of my high school graduation party. I had two (yes two!) dream-come-true dates, a guy from my faith community that I had crushed on for two years as we went out on group excursions and attended religious education classes, and another that made my heart flutter every time I passed his desk in Chemistry class who I secretly loved for all three years of high school. I actually used to go to “the bathroom” two or three times every class I had with him just so I could pass by Bachelor Number Two, make eye contact, and get a whiff of “he’s-not-just-a-boy-he’s-a-man-because-he-wears-it” cologne.  Maybe that explains my less-than-stellar final marks in that class…
Read More

Befriending that Voice

Truth Byte #53

 

“Even in partnership, you must learn to walk alone.”

 

I have an incredible husband. Despite my drama stories to the contrary, he is the most patient, steady, loveable, and supportive guy I know. He rides with me on the roller-coaster of parenthood, the stormy ship of entrepreneurship, and the oft hum drum boredom of long-term commitment. He is in it for the long haul, says the right thing at the right time and always knows how to make me laugh (or at least roll my eyes while smiling).

 

But even in the midst of a truly rich marriage, I have learned that I am alone.

 

And not in a bad way, just alone.

 

Let me explain.

 

It hit me during the first few months of our marriage.  We had been building up to our big day for months, and had waited until after the wedding to move in together. Our honeymoon was perfect, two weeks of uninterrupted time in a tropical paradise.

 

And then we came home.

 

And we had jobs, and groceries, and car payments, and in-laws, and laundry, and all the other little things that “real life” is composed of.

 

At first, I happily played along in my new role as “wife”. But after a while, I noticed that we had separate lives. We work in completely different fields, so there isn’t really any “shop talk” that happens at home.  The poor guy had to explain his early tech projects to me in fashion metaphors, it was the only way I was going to follow along!  We had different work schedules, so the time that we spent at our home just playing was minimal.  But it worked for a while.

 

Then the babies came, one then another. And that changed everything.  Suddenly, we were tag-teaming as we negotiated who would do what for which kid and how we could be impactful and available parents while still trying to build our careers and run a household. And there were moments when I was nursing a baby or driving a little one to preschool or trying to make friends at some mommy-social that I felt so alone. And not in a good way.

 

Somewhere along my journey of university, career, marriage, and kids, I had to face the fact that I am alone. All alone.  Late at night, when I wake up with a start, it’s just me. Sure, I could reach over and shake him awake, or cuddle up with a kid or two, but what happens in my inner landscape is something only I can experience.

 

So why am I telling you this? What’s the point?

 

I have had many clients over the years that are running from loneliness.  Whether it’s a spouse they yearn for, a child, a pet, or some other kind of companionship or love, so many of us are looking to fill the emptiness inside. And what I have learned, both personally and professionally, is that no matter what the quality of our relationships, if we can’t be comfortable alone, those relationships will never be enough.

 

Let me say that again: if you aren’t okay being alone, no one else’s love will ever be enough.

 

Now I am speaking as an extrovert, and I know there are introverts out there who are probably thinking: “I am TOTALLY fine by myself!” And that may be true for some.

 

But for all of us, no matter what our social leanings, there is that corrosive voice inside that we don’t want to be left alone with.  You know, that voice that tells you that you are a failure, that you are screwing up, that you are a fraud and a fake, and that all your plans will ultimately fail.

 

That voice.

 

When you can learn to be in the presence of that voice and just not believe it, then you have really arrived.

 

Then you have a hope in hell of letting someone love you all the way, and being able to love them back without walls.

 

So this week, I challenge you to face that voice. To look deep inside into the part of you that was planted a long, long time ago, and really hear it. Hear the pain, the hopelessness, and the judgment. And just let it be.  Don’t “technique” it away with all the self-help tools you have collected (journaling, meditation, positive self-talk, etc. etc.), just be with it.

 

See what happens. 

 

See if you can sit in that uncomfortable place of self-attack and find another way, find another truth. Because until you do, you will be looking for someone else to drown out that voice. And no one else really can.

 

Ultimately, the only relationship that matters is the one you have with yourself.

 

And isn’t it time to listen to the most important person in your life: you? Even if you don’t like what s/he has to say?  Of course, there are ways to be supported in this task, and many people seek out counselling to have a reliable and consistent framework as they move through befriending that voice, so if you need that support, get it.

 

And in the meantime, keep looking inward. It’s where all the answers lie.  More at www.talktosaira.com

Being the Lighthouse

Truth Byte #49

“Stop trying to make the way you feel someone else’s fault.”

 

Sometimes people are mean. Downright cruel. Sometimes, for no good reason, people pick on you. I have been having this experience lately with my three-almost-four-year-old.  Sometimes she is just mean, for no good reason.

 

So you know me, I hit the research on parenting and child development. Why is she angry? Where is this coming from? What can I do differently? And usually, I am right on point, able to diffuse and re-direct, able to love her through her tests and boundary-building exercises.

 

But sometimes, every once in a while, I take it personally.

 

And that is when s#!t hits the fan.

 

And I tell her she has made me mad, or that she has made me sad.  And then she tells me it’s because I don’t listen to her. And back and forth until one of us is screaming.  More often than I would like to admit, my voice raises louder than I want it to, and suddenly, we are two preschoolers, having a shouting match.

 

This week, my seven year-old (who is also her big brother and takes that role very seriously) called me out on that.  He said to me, “Mama, no one can MAKE you feel anything.”

 

Don’t you hate it when your own words come back to bite you in the face?

 

And I had to admit he was right.  No one can make me feel anything.  People can have behaviours, demonstrations, opinions, and they can act out in front of me, but how I respond….well, that’s on me.

 

That’s what I tell my clients, and now, that’s what my second grader was reminding me.

 

So for the past week, I have been applying this truth to how I interact with my kids.  I know it works with adults because I do it all the time.  Someone acts out or throws a tantrum or says something hurtful or makes a “joke” that’s more like a jab, and I take a breath and decide how deeply I am going to let that one land.

 

I have been perfecting this one with my large, close-knit, extended family. In my family, people love each other deeply.  They are also all up in each other’s business.  A lot.  Everyone has an opinion on everyone else’s choices.  And it really does come from a place of genuine love and concern.  But sometimes, it is a bit too much. It is hard to know, sometimes, whose advice to follow, since so many of them have conflicting opinions. And so, a few years ago, I started to take my mom’s advice, “Listen to everyone, respectfully, and in the end do whatever you want.”

 

My old approach was to argue back, make a case, prove my point. 

 

Now, I thank them for their input, weigh it’s worth for a moment, and add it to my mental pros and cons list for whichever decision I was trying to make.  Because I really do think that sometimes the people who love me can see me better than I see myself.  When I am in clouds of self-doubt, when I am feeling small and unimportant, when I am unsure of my footing, my family sees me as capable and competent and on the right track.  And sometimes I need a reminder.

 

But I also don’t want to get in the trap of always needing their approval.

 

I have been there, and it sucks.

 

Because it’s true, nobody can MAKE you feel anything.  Even good about yourself.  Because when it’s coming from the outside, it doesn’t actually last very long or penetrate very deep.

 

These days, I am admitting to myself and teaching my clients that the way we feel is absolutely, one hundred percent, our own responsibility.

 

Now I can anticipate that you may think something like: “My family member is sick/unemployed/addicted/incarcerated/heartbroken. Of course I am going to feel bad.  And it’s his/her fault that I feel bad/worried/sad for them.”

 

And I would actually challenge you on that one. 

 

You get to choose how you respond.

 

Are you going to join them in their despair and worry, or are you going to be that person who can be the steady lighthouse for them while they navigate the stormy waters of their own tribulations?  Are you going to shine your best self onto their world, or are you going to dim yourself a little to make them “comfortable”?

 

It’s really your choice.

 

I have found that when I go the “dimmer switch” route and stop shining to accommodate other’s insecurities, I end up not being very helpful anyways, and then wonder why I put myself in that situation in the first place. In my experience, it’s better to show up with all systems ready for action, and excuse myself if I am being asked to dim down.

 

Even at funerals.

 

I allow myself to be the steady so people can fall apart around me. (And let’s be honest, sometimes I am the one falling apart.  The point is, I feel my own feelings and don’t get swayed to just go along with the mood in the room.)

 

Now if only that three-year-old’s “NO!” didn’t get under my skin so deeply. In the end, it’s a work in progress, even for me!

 

Want to learn how to take your life back from everyone who has a stake in it? Watch our YouTube show, Today is Your Day and send us your questions and comments!

 

Healing the Broken Heart

Truth Byte #38

It’s time to heal your heartbreak.

 

Most of us have experienced heartbreak.  And not in the traditional sense. 

 

Sure, many of us have lost a romantic partner to another, had someone leave us prematurely, or fell in love in that classic, unrequited way.

 

But I am not talking about those heartbreaks.

 

I am talking today about something much deeper.

 

The reasons that those heartbreaks felt so devastating at the time was because we were nursing a hundred thousand other heartbreaks before those romantic ones happened.

 

Let me explain.  Your first heartbreaks happened before you turned 10 years old.

 

You probably don’t remember it happening to you, so let me tell give you some scenarios:

 

  1. You were the first and adored child in the family. Then another baby was born.  She/he was cuter, smaller, and drank in every adult’s attention. Heartbreak.
  2. Your heard your parents arguing about money one night as you were trying to fall asleep. You remembered them buying you new shoes for preschool earlier that week. You feel like maybe if you didn’t ask for those shoes they wouldn’t always be arguing. Heartbreak.
  3. Your best friend moved away in grade four. Heartbreak.
  4. Some adult you cared about made fun of the goofy way you danced. You were a kid, and danced liked no one was watching (because you didn’t’ think they were!). Heartbreak.
  5. Your dad left your mom and you were shuffled from house to house. Heartbreak.
  6. Your dog died. Heartbreak.
  7. Your fish died and no one told you. You just came home one day and there was a new fish in the bowl and you could tell it wasn’t yours, but no one would admit it. Heartbreak.
  8. You found out the truth about the whole Santa Clause conspiracy.  Heartbreak.

 

And the list could go on and on.  These are childhood moments that happen to most us us.  And many of us can just shake them off.  But for those of us who are a little bit “more” as kids, those of us who would get lost in the beauty of a leaf as it turns orange, or those who actually felt like we could communicate with animals, or those who unabashedly opened our hearts to the world, these simple events can create the beginnings of what I call “heartache”.

 

Heartache is different than heartbreak.

 

In heartbreak, you have a good long cry, either out loud or in your own mind, and you vow to never “do that thing again.” Heartache is where we walk around with a giant wall around our hearts so we don’t ever get hurt again.  Heartbreak comes from an external event, and there is little we can do except brave through it.  Heartache is an orientation, a way we approach love and connection, and the world itself. 

 

Too many people who run this sweet planet are mired in heartache.

 

And those who could actually turn things around are too busy talking about and nursing their heartbreaks to do a damn thing about it.

 

Today, I appeal to you, my brothers and sisters who are recovering from heartbreak, to just let it go.  That heartbreak started when you were small, and has continued time and again throughout your life.  And if the point of this human life is to experience joy and connection, then you can simply choose to believe that these painful situations helped to orient you away from pain and towards what you really do want.

 

You are making the mistake by concentrating on the pain. What if, instead, you looked at this heartbreak (whether past or present) as an opportunity to forgive?

 

In the heartbreaks that happened in childhood, we interpreted them as heartbreaks because we couldn’t see the full story.  Your friend didn’t move away to hurt you, and your parents would have bought you those shoes anyway.  It wasn’t your fault.  In the grown-up heartbreaks, because there is so much heartache that has built up over the years, we are often not willing to see the big picture until years, even decades later.

 

I finally forgave my first boyfriend for breaking up with me LAST WEEK!! That’s like, 20 years of holding on.  Incredible. Unnecessary.

 

So learn from me and save yourself some time.  Let go of those heartbreak stories today.  And you don’t have to follow some formula of how long it’s been until you can forgive.  You can begin to forgive him/her/them right now.

 

Happiness and a healed heart are waiting on the other side.

 

It’s your life, and only you can live it.  More at www.talktosaira.com (and connect with me if you want to learn a fast-track method to heal your own heartbreak!)

 

 

 

 

Am I Cut Off?

Truth Byte #28

“If you’re not supported, you are the one to blame.” 

People tell me they are lonely.  That they have no friends.  That no one supports them.  And maybe to a point, this is true.  But let’s get honest: if you have no one to turn to, it’s probably your own fault.

I know that sounds harsh, especially when you are used to me being kind and loving and hopeful.  But today I have decided it’s time to tell it like it is and stop coddling you.  Because you are a grown up and you can handle it.  And you deserve to have a cheering section, even when you are struggling.

If you find yourself alone, cut out from life’s big party, chances are you created that scenario with your own beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours.

Let me give you an example.  There is someone in my life who is very lovable.  Funny, thoughtful, and a great friend when you are on his good side. Then, all of a sudden, he will get upset about something (sometimes something obvious, and sometimes something invisible), and suddenly he just disappears.  Sometimes he disappears for years.

I wonder what happens to him during this disappearing act. 

I imagine he stews about how he was wronged and judges and blames the person who upset him for his unhappiness.  I imagine he makes new friends, new connections, and demonstrates his love and care with them.  I imagine at some point one of them pisses him off and the whole thing begins again.  I imagine he must be very lonely and irritated during these cycles.

See, from his perspective it must look like people are always letting him down.

But from my perspective it looks like he is throwing a tantrum and not letting people have flaws and be human.  He is not really comfortable with adult relationships where people evolve and grow, sometimes in different directions.

Now, I am not talking about situations where there is blatant violence and abuse.  It is actually healthy to remove yourself from those people who cannot handle their feelings maturely and put you in harm’s way. With many of these people, it is likely you will never see them again, unless they get the help they need.

I am talking instead about hurt feelings and misunderstandings.  If we keep cutting off people who care about us, we end up very isolated.

If no one wants to hang out with you, you have to ask yourself “why?”

Are you the one who is always complaining about the latest problem, pulling the conversation like a blanket around yourself while your friend freezes out in the cold? Is it always about you and what you need, or are you giving something to others too? When you give, is it because you expect that same treatment back (also called score-keeping) or is it purely to demonstrate your care and affection?

One-sided relationships eventually become exhausting, and whether you are the one who has pulled away or others have stopped engaging with you, chances are there is something you can do to change it.  Instead of thinking of your friendships as just about filling your tank, maybe you can think about what you could bring instead of what just you can get.

On the other hand, sometimes we just outgrow people.

And when that happens, you can gently let those people go, without drama, without heartache, without a big fight.  Just gently and kindly let them go (even if they are the ones “cutting you off”) and know that as long as you keep smiling that smile and keep shining that light, the right people will find you and start to fill the vacancies in your tribe.  And until they find you, enjoy getting to know the new you that is emerging!

As of today, you are not allowed to complain about loneliness.  Because there are people who are dying to see you and spend time with you.

Start with them, and the rest will show up.

Want to learn how to let people in? Want to deepen the relationships you already have? Take advantage of the summer slash sale: $99 + GST for the Relationships Workshop in Vancouver on Oct 1, 2016.  In a single day, people go from focusing only on their problems to having a roadmap for their next steps.  You will be glad you took the plunge. Register now at http://www.talktosaira.com/our-events