Does true love really exist? The classes I took in university taught me that the media, society, Bollywood and Disney have clouded my mind. Other people sold me the fairytale of true love, but no one taught me how to actually sustain it. After all, doesn’t it always end with “happily ever after”? Whether it’s Sandra Dee and Danny or Simba and Nala, couples everywhere are driving off into the sunset. But what about five years later? What about forty years later? Do people stay happily married or is it just a phase?
In the olden days, we used to protect our businesses. We used to have secret sauces, trade secrets, and hidden dimensions in our companies, communities, and families. There were some proverbs about dirty laundry and early birds catching worms, and we competed to get ahead in our own industry, while blocking the competition. I have learned that the old model no longer works. Why? Because that old model is rooted in two dysfunctional concepts: competition and scarcity. Read More
We all have them – the chores we hate. For some, it will be taking out the garbage, for others, sorting through the junk drawer, or my personal favorite, cleaning the bathroom. A Zen master once said: “How you do anything is how you do everything.” I experienced this philosophy first-hand today as I was cleaning my bathroom. Let me explain. I want to be a person who approaches life with enthusiasm, and tackles challenges with an open mind. I am willing to learn from my mistakes, and I am willing to change as my life requires. Yet, when it comes to cleaning the bathroom, something in me freezes up. Don’t get me wrong – I love a clean bathroom. There’s nothing like the first shower after the tub has been scrubbed down, or the feeling of fresh bathmats under my toes. But thinking about all that nasty stuck around the toilet bowl, the dead skin lodged in the ring around the tub, and the stray hairs left over from brisk towel action, it all makes me cringe.
I have tried various approaches to deal with my aversion to cleaning the bathroom – hiring someone else to do it, guilting my husband into doing it, even making it a game for my two year old and I to play together (that’s right, honey, we scrub the floor with this vapourous rag, not the lazy-mom’s Swiffer). But there is something I forget when I am scheming to have someone else literally do my dirty work for me: the way we do anything is the way we do everything. So while I am looking for shortcuts in the cleaning department, I have to ask myself, what other short-cuts are happening in my life? Read More
Let’s talk about the inner critic. We all have one. That little voice inside that stops us from taking risks, that finds the faults in every plan, that finds something to criticize us about, even on our best day. I ran in to mine this week, probably because I was having too much fun. Whenever life is good and I am really enjoying it, that pesky voice starts up. Inevitably, before long, that voice has slammed my self-esteem and brought clouds into my sunny day. The inner critic is a chameleon, changing forms and shapes so it’s hard to spot it. Perhaps your inner critic has become so loud that you are actually outwardly critical of others and terribly critical of yourself. As you read this, you may hear your own inner critic, who will either be denying every sentence (“Oh no, I am so OVER that!”) or using it as ammunition (“See, one MORE thing to work on…I am NEVER going to get it together!). Stay with me till the end, and you will have some tools to disarm and transform the inner critic. Read More
If I were to ask you why your life isn’t exactly as you want, what would you say? You would probably give me a “good reason” for why you don’t have the career, partner, home, finances, or family life that you are striving for. I have met a lot of people over the years who have a lot of good reasons for why things can’t be done. These people have perfected the art of making excuses, though they don’t see their reasons as excuses. What I have learned is that any excuse can be overcome, and that for most of us, life always gives us another choice.